dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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