guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
