saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
