i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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