This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
