Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
