I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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