I think im going to throw up on grandma
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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