Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
