I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
