she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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