I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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