I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
