I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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