She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
