Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
