i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
