Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
