remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
