She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
