So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
