How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
