he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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