i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i came on her dog
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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