Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
