We're like a lot better than the average bears
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
