After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
