That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
