He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Couch. On fire.
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