Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
