hell yes lets make some ravioli
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
