I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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