hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
