I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
