I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
