Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
