You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
