She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
