im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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