i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
