Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
