Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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