That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
