so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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