I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
