i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
