I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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