Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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