Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
