ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
