Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
