you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
