The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
