I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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