dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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