I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
