did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
