She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
