I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
