we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize