Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
