my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
