Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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