There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
