It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
