dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
