Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
