just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
