i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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