omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize