I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
